I find it interesting that social animals seem to have the capacity to ostracize members of its society that pose a burden to the overall survival/advancement of the group. Somehow, perhaps through evolution (if you’re into Darwin), particular social rules and guidelines, required for the survival and advancement of the species, must have been developed and refined until they became innate characteristics.

Any member of the society that happens to break an implicit rule, is banished from the group. Unfortunately, such ostracized animals most likely face a premature and lonely death, due to loss of resources, support, protection, and social bonds.  I guess it’s a small price to pay for threatening the survival of the overall group.

Humans are, no doubt, social animals. However, along with developing such social rules, when and why did we develop the ability to ignore gut instincts and override the application of these rules required for our survival and advancement?  Why did we develop a conscience, compassion, guilt, remorse, sympathy, or whatever else to allow a member of our social group to burden us without immediately ostracizing them?  Why does it have to be difficult to apply such consequences?

Perhaps it’s only difficult for me?  You see, I’ve had the unique pleasure with having “friends” with either a borderline personality disorder, being a sociopath, or pathological liar.  In each of the cases, I ignored thousands of years of honed social instincts, to instead, endure years of punishment in hopes that the person would prove me wrong – in hopes the person would change. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I gave them numerous “second” chances. The good still outweighed the bad. Enough time had passed since the last infraction. I was loyal to them. I didn’t want to give up on them. I was afraid to lose them.

All these excuses and more were used to override the rules instilled in me to ensure my survival and advancement of my species. And I had paid the price. But eventually, compassion left my body. I no longer felt sorry for the person. I couldn’t help but see reality – to see things objectively. I eventually let these toxic leeches go, but not without damage – damage to myself.  I’m hurt. I feel sorry for myself. I’m reluctant about others. I’m angry. I’m disappointed. I invested much time in them and passed on other social opportunities, all for nothing. I sacrificed my survival and well being for them. For this is why it hurts and fuels resentment. They were allowed a life, beyond natural limitations, and they are ungrateful.

I felt that way for a long time after finally ostracizing them. I wish I wouldn’t have waited so long.  Things are better now more than ever. There are no albatrosses to deal with. Life is much more peaceful and comprises of more positive energy. But I still can’t help but ponder such life experiences and social interactions that make us so unique. It’s all very interesting.

In the end of it all, a life lesson learned – I no longer tolerate disrespect towards me and abide by my survival instincts.  I thank the lemur for that (and Scientific Mind magazine for the article about social ostracizing).

(Credit for title pic to http://www.psych.ndsu.nodak.edu/colloquia/fall2011documents/sep23docs/samWilliams.pdf)